Wednesday, February 3, 2010

Awk. conversations: #2

"God, help me." 

"Hey Steve, God here; you in a pickle?"

"Yes. I performed oral coitus on a crazy woman." 

"Oh, Steve. Was it your wife?" 

"Of course it wasn't my wife God, what are you an idiot? Aren't you supposed to know these kinds of things?" 

"Jesus H. Christ Steve. I'm a busy guy. I have a lot of things to worry about. Your tongue in some chicks vagina is the least of my problems. Now what happened?"

"Well, I wined her and dined her right?"


" And then we went back to my place, you know?"

"Yea I know. Go on." 

"Well, I'm going down on her, and out of nowhere, she starts yelling at me in a German accent."

"Was she German?"

"Not even close. Irish Catholic." 

"Ugh, Catholics. I gotta tell you, Catholics? They pray, all the fuckin' time. I'm like, woa! Pump the brakes there guys! You know? Alright, well, what happened next?"

"Well, I got scared."

"And then?"

"Well, I dunno; I finished. I waited until she popped and then I walked her out." 

"Wait. What!? That's the whole story? Steve, why in the hell did you even call me?"

"I don't know, I just - I needed to talk to someone." 

"Steve. Damn it. You know, I don't have free long distance with AT&T like you do. you're running up my bill, you jack-off. Next time you call me, make sure you have a legitimate problem. Like when you're wife leaves you after she finds out you have herpes." 

"Fuck, that chick had herpes!?" 


"God? are you there, God? Damn it." 


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