Darryl felt the immediacy in the room as soon as he saw the woman, lying naked on his bed. Naked women needed to be dealt with immediately. Darryl knew this. He knew how to handle a naked woman. What he didn't know how to deal with, was the man standing directly in front of him, wearing a black leotard.
“What’s the meaning of all this Beatrice?” He shouted at the man in all black, who was really his evil twin brother. He was evil because his parents had hoped for a set of boy/girl twins, but when it was discovered that they would have a set of boy/boy twins, they kept the names pre-picked for them; Darryl and Beatrice. Everybody knows that, when you give a boy twin a girl twin’s name, he will become evil.
“It’s not what it looks like Darryl!” Shouted Patricia from the bed, reaching out to make a grand gesture but she couldn’t quite make it grand enough, as she was handcuffed to the bedpost.
“You’re Goddamned right it’s not what it looks like Trish,” Darryl shouted, keeping his eyes on Beatrice. “ Because I’m Gay!” Patricia gasped at Darryl’s revelation.
“Darryl my sweet!” She pleaded. “Surely this is not the forum!”
“Hell will be his forum soon!” Beatrice shouted, reaching into the back of his black leotard and pulling out a Colt .45. “And the devil will be his new gay lover!”
“You don’t want to do this Beatrice!” Darryl shouted.
“Yes I do!” Beatrice roared, and he fired the gun three times at his brother, before he himself reared back and dropped dead on the floor.
“What is this?” Patricia said in disbelief, moist from all of the excitement. “Gay Magic?”
“No,” replied Darryl, looking down at his dead twin, while he himself remained unscathed. “The joke was on him. I was wearing my bulletproof Magnum condom. He never stood a chance.”
“Oh!” moaned Patricia in excitement. “All of this excitement has made me positively do-able! It’s a shame you’re gay now Darryl,” she pouted.
“I’m not gay, bitch!” Darryl roared. “I just made that up to try to save my brother’s life. But he’s gone now. So let’s fuck. Let’s fuck while I wear this bulletproof condom that just saved my life!”
“Yes!” Patricia squealed. “Do me now!”
And Darryl did her. Hard. All night. And when he finished he exploded inside of her like a geyser, impregnating her instantly, because he was so awesome and badass!
“Dad!”
“What?”
“Dad, what are you talking about?” young Henry Peeler whined as he sat up in bed waiting to be tucked in. “I asked why you and mom were getting divorced! What the heck was that?”
“That was the story of how you were conceived,” slurred Henry’s drunken father, Darryl Peeler.
“That’s not what I asked at all!” Shouted Henry. “Forget it Dad! When you guys get divorced I’m living with mom!”
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